Toward the beginning of this month, I started to realize that last October was the last normal month I had with my papaw. I didn't know it at the time, but that was the last month I would see him every weekend. The last month. He would get sick in November and go to the hospital, and once he went there, none of us knew it at the time, but we would never see him again on this side of eternity.
As hard as 2020 was, God has began to turn my mourning into dancing in 2021. That doesn't mean that I don't still miss my papaw so much & wish he was here more than anything. In fact, there are moments where it's hard for me to remember he's still alive. It's hard for me to remember because he's not here. It's hard for me to remember because he wasn't there to cheer me on at my college graduation. It's hard for me to remember because I was at his funeral and his burial. But, nonetheless, it is in those very same moments, the most difficult ones, where the Holy Spirit and the Word of God remind me of what my eyes can't see.
The fact is, my papaw is still alive. Even more alive than he was when he sat across from me at the dinner table. Even more alive than he was when he told me "nighty night night night" when he was about to go to bed. Even more alive than when he cooked me breakfast for dinner and was so proud of it. He is in the presence of God, singing endless praise to Him. He stands among Abraham, David, Mary, Peter, and Billy Graham. He knows them personally now. Most of all, he's seen Jesus face to face.
COVID didn't win over my papaw. Christ had won the victory for him many years before. That truth gives me more comfort than you could imagine.
What I have really learned to be true in 2021 is that even in the hard times, God brings joy. Even in the midst of sorrow and grief, He has brought me so much joy, which sounds weird, but it is true. I walked across the stage as a University of Tennessee grad with a degree in a subject that I have always loved, I have an incredible group of friends that are such an answered prayer, I gained another precious nephew, I started dating truly the best guy I know. None of that takes away from the missing my papaw, but it reminds me that God is still good, God is still faithful, God is still with me.
At the beginning of quarantine, I was absolutely obsessed with the song "Graves into Gardens" by Elevation. I played it on repeat for months. What was really interesting is how I got to see the lyrics of that song play out in my life later on. He truly has turned my mourning into dancing. He truly has brought beauty for ashes.
I am thankful for how God has moved in my life over the last year. I learned more of the character of God & how to have faith in Him even when you really just don't understand what He's doing. Jesus was my Comforter as I was mourning, He was my Peace as I was worried, He was my Certainty in a world full of uncertainty. He was faithful. And He is faithful still.
I don't think there will ever be a time where I don't miss my papaw and wish he could be here to see some of the biggest moments of my life, but I can walk in joy and the fullness of what God has for me because I know that I will see him again one day in a place so much more infinitely beautiful than this one.
I hope this encourages you wherever you're at that if you are in Christ, He is still with you even if you just don't understand what He's doing in your life right now. He is still working even if you don't see it right now. And if you are not in Christ, my prayer is that God will use this post to show you your need for Him because know this, the one and only reason I have assurance that I will see my papaw again is that we both knew Jesus. That's it. Only Jesus. He is the only Way. If you have questions about that, feel free to reach out to me! I'd love to talk to you about it. My instagram is @lesliejessie7, and my email is lesliejessie20@gmail.com.
"Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent, O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever." Psalm 30:11-12 KJV.
Comments