***NOTE: this was written back in early 2020 (pre-pandemic), so this is not a current post. I found this in my drafts & thought it could really encourage someone in a similar place.
Right now I am in a bit of a well to put it bluntly, weird, season. Both of my roommates got boyfriends at the beginning of the semester within a day of each other, I am working my first job ever, and my classes are harder than ever before. It is all so new and so, so weird. Of course, I know what you're thinking it could be so much worse, and I know that. That is why I said weird. Not bad.
I felt that what the Lord spoke to my heart at the beginning of this year was obedience and humility, and He for sure knew what He was talking about. When I felt that He wanted me to wait when it came to a relationship almost two years ago, I had no idea that the waiting would still be going on right now in 2020, but it is teaching more about obedience than almost anything in my life ever has. When the Lord wants you to wait, you don't jump into anything. Even when both of your roommates have boyfriends and are going on dates at the same time on Saturday while you are home alone & it would be so easy to just date someone to date someone. You don't. You wait. Because you want to obey God.
When your classes are so hard & you are working an internship & you feel so overwhelmed by everything you have to get done, it would be easy to decide you need to skip your quiet time that particular day. But you don't. Because you quickly remember you can't make it a single day without God.
I am learning that obedience is a journey more than it is a destination. You walk each step in obedience, and you breathe each breath in obedience. You don't get to a point where your obedience ends. Somedays are easier than others, but the process is beautiful. Slowly by surely, you find yourself becoming more and more like Jesus, and that result is worth everything.
The humility part is coming into play too. When your best friends have boyfriends while you're still single, it is hard to not wonder if something is wrong with you or when your turn is coming. Even when in your heart you know God's plan for your life is better than your own, in the flesh you still have your moments. Somedays I wonder why God's plan for my life has to look so different from His plans for my friends. It is humbling when your roomie hugs you because "it's just SO sad how single you are," but as weird as this season is, I am learning just how much I need Jesus. He is increasing, and I am decreasing.
It is humbling when your teachers this semester do not seem to think you are as talented of a writer as your past teachers have. Everyone in most of my classes this semester also want to be writers, and it is odd to not be the "writer" of the class anymore. It's like even that ego-booster has been taken from me. So, yeah, that's been weird too. I have asked myself multiple times this semester, am I actually even good at writing? Asking myself that question no doubt cut off some pride and made me think more about where my identity lies. If I never become a writer as a career, will I be okay? Ultimately, yes. Because I am a daughter of the King of kings.
I think God wants me in this weird season to really take in how I am nothing and can do nothing without Him. He is all I really need to have joy and peace in life, and all of the other stuff will come when He wants it to. Sure, there are moments where it is going to be more frustrating than others: like when you are in bed watching Disney+ while your friends are out to eat with their boyfriends or when your teacher gives you a plus instead of a check on a paper you worked really hard on, but these are the moments where God will further shape you into who He wants you to be, where He will remind you that your identity was never supposed to be in a relationship status or grades anyway. His plans for my roommates may look a whole lot different than the plans He has for me right now, but what God has made me realize is, since when did different mean bad? Sure, it is is different, but it's not bad.
So, to all the single peeps reading this or really to anyone who is struggling, keep living in obedience & humility. I can promise you that God is listening to you, that He cares, and that the waiting will be worth it. As Pastor Tim Miller of Sevier Heights says, "What God is doing inside me while I wait is just as important as what I'm waiting on."
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