Back in February, I wrote a post about my struggles in my relationship with God this semester: more specifically, my struggle of feeling that He was not working in and through my life really at all. (One of Those Days)
I came to UT with the mindset that I was going to change the world, and while it is somewhat admirable that I believed this, I should have just came in with the expectation that God was going to work in my life in whatever way He saw fit.
All last semester, I planned on applying for an internship at a church, and I was beyond excited about this opportunity. Working at a church has always been one of my dreams since I became a Christian, so with this chance, I was basically counting down the days until applications were due. I assumed that this was where God intended for me to spread the Gospel and evangelize during my time at UT. My mistake, however, was that I forgot to ask God what He thought about the situation.
I was so excited, and it was a job where I would be working for Him, it had to be the right thing to do, right? I prayed about it a lot, but it was me praying that I would get the job not that He would give me discernment of if I was called to do this or not.
I am a firm believer that you should not do something unless you are called to; however, I believed my own willingness to serve equaled out to me being called. That is not always the case.
Slowly but surely, the Lord revealed to me that this was not the route He intended for me to go, and while it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, I withdrew my application to the internship.
When I told my friends about my choice, they were in shock. I had a Jesus talk with one of my friends in particular where I shed a few tears as I said, "I came to this school thinking God had a purpose for me here. Now I wonder if I even heard Him correctly."
Shortly after, my Cru leader asked to meet up with me to talk about Cru leadership the following year. Truth be told, I was unaware of all of the opportunities to serve in Cru, so I just assumed my main option was to be a small group leader, which I did not feel called to do. I told my mom that I wanted to serve in a position that directly correlated with evangelism.
During lunch with my Cru leader, she informed me that I could be the leader for the Outreach team. Essentially, my entire job would be sharing the Gospel and reaching out to nonbelievers at UT. I told her I was definitely interested but needed time to pray about it.
That next week, I prayed and prayed asking God to make it clear what He wanted from me. I only had until that Sunday to decide, so I actually said in one of my prayers with a laugh, "Lord, not to put You on a schedule or anything, but like I really need to know by Sunday." Thursday night at Cru, the message was on Esther and how we all have a purpose not just on this Earth as a whole but on this campus specifically.
I felt like God had given me my answer when I looked down at my Bible during the message and saw where I journaled in Esther the day before I moved into UT, "I was made for such a time as this" with the T in "this" being an orange power T.
I told my leader that night I was accepting the position as Outreach team leader with excitement and a little bit of nerves. I know God has called me to this, and I am so expectant of how He is going to move through this. I believe I am going to see Him work on me as a follower of Jesus as well as use me to minister and witness to others.
If you do not know where God is taking you and you feel discouraged that He has forgotten you, I promise He hasn't. It may sting now when He shuts a door, and believe me it was not easy for me to withdraw my application to that internship; however, when you bow to the Father's Will, everything works together how it was meant to.
I knew God wanted me at this campus to witness to others and spread the Gospel, but I misunderstood how He wanted me to do it. When I chose the path of obedience, He made His Will clearer and clearer, and now I am right where He intends for me to be. Trust God's vision over your own because I promise it is bigger than yours could possibly be.
