This semester has not been the fun adventure that last semester was. I feel like my class load has not slowed down at all since the beginning, and if anything it has sped up. I find myself being more homesick than before. I sometimes feel like just a number in a sea of almost 30,000. I also look at the world I live in and wonder how we got here.
People told me going to a big, SEC school would be a mistake for me. In high school, I was known for being "innocent" and "naive," so people were beyond shocked when I announced my college choice. I was told I didn't know what I was getting myself into, I would get lost in the amount of people and forget my purpose, and mostly, I would regret it. I never listened to those opinions though because I was so sure of the task God Himself gave to me. My faith was strong, but I still was not fully aware of what the world around me was truly like.
The state of our world has wrecked me these past two months. It absolutely breaks my heart. I was ignorant to just how much evil was present in the world until college, and now that I know the truth, I am appalled. If I am being completely honest, I have shed quite a few tears over it.
It could be easy to get overwhelmed by this and think there is no hope, but praise God, there is hope. There is Jesus. His precious blood still holds the power to set this world free from sin and to cleanse all unrighteousness. Because of His blood, all people can be forgiven if they just ask. Because of His blood, we can choose love instead of letting hate divide us. Because of His blood, I don't have to let the size of UT affect me; I can be confident in my identity as a daughter of the King of kings.
During a Jesus talk with one of my friends this week, I said, "I feel like nothing is happening in my life right now. No progress is being made, no results are being produced. I don't understand what God is doing since I really cannot see anything."
I'll be even more vulnerable and tell you that I also said, "I was so sure God wanted me here to be a light, but I don't feel like I am making any type of an impact for the Kingdom. What if I made a mistake in thinking this was His plan?"
Have you ever been there? Have you been in the spot where you were so sure something was God, but as soon as it doesn't go as YOU expected it, you question? I came in to college with the mindset that I was going to just spread the Gospel to the entire campus and basically change the world. Maybe, God's plan was for me to plant seeds that would sprout later or see someone saved that I don't even know yet. It isn't up to me to decide what God's plan is supposed to look like; it is up to me to follow Him and give Him control.
Feeling stagnant is such a typical place for a college student to find themselves in. If that is you (even if you are not a college student), God wants you to know that He is fighting for you and loves you with THE everlasting love. He never stops pursuing you and has set you apart for such a time as this. Don't let the dry season get you down, this is where true growth in the Lord will be found. The enemy wants you to believe God has forgotten you or left you, and you cannot give him the satisfaction of even considering those words. Don't give up on Jesus because I promise He isn't giving up on you.
I feel like someone needs to be encouraged today. If you are feeling like you are just going through your daily routine seeing no progress, God is still working. Even when (and especially when) you can't see what He's doing, He is working His plans out right now at this very second for your good and His glory. If you are as hurt as I am by the shape our world finds itself in, we will be okay. My mom reminded me there will always be at least some people who love the Lord and look to Him.
Brothers and sisters, as we are told all of the time "we are in this world, but we are not of it." Let's not take that lightly. Someday we are going to live in a place where no evil, darkness, or pain is present, only beauty, righteousness, and love. As Pastor Brian Houston of Hillsong Church likes to say, our best is yet to come.
